oh hey guys

hey










hey guys

































are you ready























i dont think you are
























i know you are















i am





















....
















dresden































aka






















mia evans

thank you.

Stay a little longer

I missed you so much

I'm so happy you came back to visit me

I love when you come to visit me

There is a certain happiness only you can give me. No one else has ever given me that kind of happiness and it scares me a little. What if I can't be with you forever... What if something happens and I can never find that happiness again?  I'm scared because what I have with you is so real. 

It's real. None of that fake bullshit that surrounds us. You're the only real thing I've got right now but I don't even have you 100%. You're gone a lot.  

You come to visit sometimes but it's not enough. When you visit it's nothing but laughs, smiles, and kisses on the forehead and "I've missed yous" 

I just wish you could stay a little longer. 

Pics pics pics

some songs you should listen to...

well first off you can listen to all the songs i put on my blog:)

• specks-matt pond PA (great song for those canyon drives)
• adorn-miguel
• sorry momma- YG
• my boo-usher
• so into you-fabolous 
• pictures of you-the cure
• all john mayer
• pull my heart away- jack penate (another good canyon song)
• lost-chance the rapper
• come over-skizzy mars
• old school chris brown
• want that old thing back-biggie (matoma remix)*** good
• earned it- the weeknd
• brother-matt corby
• good vibrations- marky mark (i swear anytime you are sad just listen to this and you are automatically so much happier)
• show me- omarion ft. jeremih
• any j boog and fiji
• the light-common
• all trey songz
•  until the end of time-JT
•  drake & j. cole
• tipsy-t-pain
• i will be there- odessa
• don't know why-norah jones 

well there you have it...enjoyyyyy

half this post is j.cole lyrics

you wanna know what's scary?

thinking you know someone...you've known them for years. you know everything about them, right? but the thing is, you really don't.

one day out of the blue they will say something to you that you had no idea ever even crossed their mind to say. in that moment, you wish you never met them

i have no idea what i'm saying and i have no idea what to write

i'm sad.

you should listen to the song fire squad by j. cole its really good

"we all kings. kings of ourselves first and foremost."

i like that line...and i dont know why..

"History repeats itself and that's just how it goes
Same way that these rappers always bite each others flows
Same thing that my nigga Elvis did with Rock n Roll
Justin Timberlake, Eminem, and then Macklemore
While silly niggas argue over who gone snatch the crown
Look around my nigga white people have snatched the sound


Ain't gonna be no more kings
Be wary of any man that claims
Because deep down he clings onto the need for power
But in reality he's a coward
Ultimately he's scared to die
And sometimes so am I
But when I'm in tune with the most high
I realize
The fear lies in my lack of awareness of the other side "

anyways... sorry if you just wasted your time reading this but no one is probably reading this anyway so i guess its ok

trying to think of a good title

Life. 

It is such a precious gift. They say you don't realize what you have until it's gone. Never would I know the true meaning of that till I first hand experienced it. 

Losing someone makes you wish you could go back to every single moment with them. The smallest things mean the most to you. 

I remember her bare feet down the hallway

I remember her little laugh 

puzzles on the kitchen floor 

Barbies and dolls, I love you to the moon and back

I remember her green eyes looking into mine 

Like we had our own secret club 

I remember her dancing before bedtime the jumping on me waking me up 

I can still feel her hold my hand

Life was so good to her. She had her best friend up the street and her sweet family to take care of here. I tried to be the best sister in the world to her even though I know I wasn't the best at times. She and I had so much fun together and I miss those times more than anything.

I know things can be taken from you so quick and so sudden. You can't even blink, and it's already taken from you. I woke up on a Saturday to head to the mall with mom and while I was doing my hair, I heard that scream and my world crushed into pieces. Never to be the same ever again.

"Sorry I never told you all I wanted to say
Now it's too late to hold you.. cause you've flown away. So far away. Never had I imagined living without your smile. But feeling and knowing you hear me.. It keeps me alive. 

I never showed you completely. I assumed you'd always be there. I took your presence for granted.. But I always cared. And I miss the love we shared. 

I know you're shining down on me from heaven. Like so many friends we've lost along the way. And I know eventually we'll be together..one sweet day."

Cherish every moment with those you love. 

Cherish it like its your last because I am telling you...
You never know when it could honestly be your very last moment. 

I remember you

I remember your hugs and kisses. They made me so happy. They were so innocent.

I remember you coming into my room and wanting to dance with me. You'd tell me to turn on my rap music and justin beiber so we could jam and I remember your dancing was actually pretty good for how little you were haha

I remember on Saturday mornings you would come run in my room to wake me up and I would get so mad at you but now I'd give anything to have you come wake me up again. 

I remember your laugh. It was the cutest thing in the world. I can't remember what it sounds like very clearly anymore and that kills me...

I remember the time you shattered my favorite perfume bottle all over the floor. I was so mad at you for that. And the time you took all my makeup and put it all over your face and mom sat and took pictures of you all afternoon.

I remember when grandma told me when you grew up, you told her you wanted to be just like me. 

I remember your bratty faces. They were so sassy and you got so mad when I laughed at you but they were so cute. I remember the way you would say "nu-uh!!" And how your bottom lip and chin would stick out. And your screams. And stomping around. 

I remember coming home to puzzles and crayons and pictures covering the floor. I remember the pictures you drew for me. 

I remember the day you left this earth that Saturday. It was so out of the blue. I was listening to "Good Day" by Nappy Roots singing along "and aint nobody gonna cry today, cause aint nobody gonna die today" until I heard the scream from downstairs and those lyrics will forever be hated. 

The flowers filled the porch in the worst way. The food from neighbors. Texts from unknown people. Confusion. Pink everything. White everything... Hugs. Lots of hugs. Losing 10 pounds in 5 days. Being mad. Very very mad. 

It felt like a dream that I couldn't get out of. It seemed like the world wasn't even happening. Just motions and more motions. 

I remember you being the sunshine in my life every single day. I miss that. I miss that more than anything in the entire world. 

Bricks are people

Bricks are people.

You can be the brick who crushes, kills, destroys. The brick who sits there and is no good for anything. The brick that stubs your toe and cuts your shin when you trip over it. 

Or

You can be the brick who helps build houses, mansions, buildings. The brick who makes things taller and higher when placed underneath. The brick who will provide things you couldn't alone. 

words

the ugliest sounding words ever:

• crisp
• groggy
• ooze
• phlegm
• pus
• mcgriddle
• juicy
• loogy
• rural
• flubber
• mold
• blog
• blurb
• slab
• crunchy
• smegma
• pickle
• smelly
• cringe
• piggy
• basically anything with a double g (except for Biggie cause it's biggie)
• giggle
• chunk
• curdle curdle
• creature

the best sounding words ever:

• cube
• point
• bleed
• pomegranate 
• kitchen
• click
• bizarre
• ivory
• lemon
• slip
• gauge
• plasma
• benz
• rain
• blaze
• chrome
• clutch
• tax
• ice
• quarter
• precisely 

i still feel

sometimes society wants us to act like robots. nothing but repetition. repetition. repetition. perfection. no mistakes. for all of us to be the same. to fit in the same mold. 

there is a standard that comes with living in this world. a pressure that one can't get rid of. we have to be doing good in school, all on the same page. you have to be quicker than that. you have to look like this. no you can't be sad right now. you're not allowed to feel like that. 

but i still feel. 

• anger
• frustration
• curiosity
• panic
• amusement
• disgust
• gratitude
• grief
• relief
• disappointment
• self confidence
• interest
• embarrassment
• shame
• greed
• empathy
• excitement
• love
• hope