I remember.

I remember hiding above the stairs at grandmas and not wanting to go home because she was the best grandma in the world. I remember my dad buying me and my sister a whole tub of cookie dough for lunch at his volleyball tournament in Moab. 

I remember the first time I fell in love. I remember it was the first time I cried of pure happiness and joy because I liked him so much. 

I remember that boy I met in 9th grade. I remember daybreak. I also remember the day he slammed my car door and walked away. I remember everything about those 4 years and I don't know if that's good or bad. 

I remember my little sister. Her laugh her smile her scream. I remember crying so hard I didn't know how it was possible to have tears left. I remember sophomore year. The worst year of my entire life. 

I remember my 3rd grade teacher ms okelberry and how she loved me and kept up me throughout the years. She still does and even came to my sisters funeral. 

I remember being scared of doby. I remember the time I felt so unwanted and so lonely I never wanted to wake up again. I remember my first kiss in my backyard in the forest. 

I remember my birthdays never being as special as I always imagined they would be. I remember my "sweet 16" being the absolute worst birthday of my life. I remember not caring about anyone or anything. I remember growth hormone shots every single night in my arms and legs. I remember my first D- in physics. 

I remember people becoming too cool for me. I remember meme being my favorite aunt and Scott and Nate my favorite uncles. They were the rebels and I love them haha. 

I remember the bus drivers that took us everywhere for cheer and how they were the most genuine people I had ever met. I remember that girl in the hall who said hi to me on that day where i felt I had lost everything and she made me feel like the most special person in the world. 

I remember "gambling" Halloween candy with my siblings and I remember when cell phones didn't exist and when times were 10x better without it. (In some ways) I remember Polly pockets and littlest pet shops. 

I remember missing someone so much you don't know what to do with yourself and I remember pure pain and loss. 

I remember.