half this post is j.cole lyrics

you wanna know what's scary?

thinking you know someone...you've known them for years. you know everything about them, right? but the thing is, you really don't.

one day out of the blue they will say something to you that you had no idea ever even crossed their mind to say. in that moment, you wish you never met them

i have no idea what i'm saying and i have no idea what to write

i'm sad.

you should listen to the song fire squad by j. cole its really good

"we all kings. kings of ourselves first and foremost."

i like that line...and i dont know why..

"History repeats itself and that's just how it goes
Same way that these rappers always bite each others flows
Same thing that my nigga Elvis did with Rock n Roll
Justin Timberlake, Eminem, and then Macklemore
While silly niggas argue over who gone snatch the crown
Look around my nigga white people have snatched the sound


Ain't gonna be no more kings
Be wary of any man that claims
Because deep down he clings onto the need for power
But in reality he's a coward
Ultimately he's scared to die
And sometimes so am I
But when I'm in tune with the most high
I realize
The fear lies in my lack of awareness of the other side "

anyways... sorry if you just wasted your time reading this but no one is probably reading this anyway so i guess its ok

trying to think of a good title

Life. 

It is such a precious gift. They say you don't realize what you have until it's gone. Never would I know the true meaning of that till I first hand experienced it. 

Losing someone makes you wish you could go back to every single moment with them. The smallest things mean the most to you. 

I remember her bare feet down the hallway

I remember her little laugh 

puzzles on the kitchen floor 

Barbies and dolls, I love you to the moon and back

I remember her green eyes looking into mine 

Like we had our own secret club 

I remember her dancing before bedtime the jumping on me waking me up 

I can still feel her hold my hand

Life was so good to her. She had her best friend up the street and her sweet family to take care of here. I tried to be the best sister in the world to her even though I know I wasn't the best at times. She and I had so much fun together and I miss those times more than anything.

I know things can be taken from you so quick and so sudden. You can't even blink, and it's already taken from you. I woke up on a Saturday to head to the mall with mom and while I was doing my hair, I heard that scream and my world crushed into pieces. Never to be the same ever again.

"Sorry I never told you all I wanted to say
Now it's too late to hold you.. cause you've flown away. So far away. Never had I imagined living without your smile. But feeling and knowing you hear me.. It keeps me alive. 

I never showed you completely. I assumed you'd always be there. I took your presence for granted.. But I always cared. And I miss the love we shared. 

I know you're shining down on me from heaven. Like so many friends we've lost along the way. And I know eventually we'll be together..one sweet day."

Cherish every moment with those you love. 

Cherish it like its your last because I am telling you...
You never know when it could honestly be your very last moment. 

I remember you

I remember your hugs and kisses. They made me so happy. They were so innocent.

I remember you coming into my room and wanting to dance with me. You'd tell me to turn on my rap music and justin beiber so we could jam and I remember your dancing was actually pretty good for how little you were haha

I remember on Saturday mornings you would come run in my room to wake me up and I would get so mad at you but now I'd give anything to have you come wake me up again. 

I remember your laugh. It was the cutest thing in the world. I can't remember what it sounds like very clearly anymore and that kills me...

I remember the time you shattered my favorite perfume bottle all over the floor. I was so mad at you for that. And the time you took all my makeup and put it all over your face and mom sat and took pictures of you all afternoon.

I remember when grandma told me when you grew up, you told her you wanted to be just like me. 

I remember your bratty faces. They were so sassy and you got so mad when I laughed at you but they were so cute. I remember the way you would say "nu-uh!!" And how your bottom lip and chin would stick out. And your screams. And stomping around. 

I remember coming home to puzzles and crayons and pictures covering the floor. I remember the pictures you drew for me. 

I remember the day you left this earth that Saturday. It was so out of the blue. I was listening to "Good Day" by Nappy Roots singing along "and aint nobody gonna cry today, cause aint nobody gonna die today" until I heard the scream from downstairs and those lyrics will forever be hated. 

The flowers filled the porch in the worst way. The food from neighbors. Texts from unknown people. Confusion. Pink everything. White everything... Hugs. Lots of hugs. Losing 10 pounds in 5 days. Being mad. Very very mad. 

It felt like a dream that I couldn't get out of. It seemed like the world wasn't even happening. Just motions and more motions. 

I remember you being the sunshine in my life every single day. I miss that. I miss that more than anything in the entire world. 

Bricks are people

Bricks are people.

You can be the brick who crushes, kills, destroys. The brick who sits there and is no good for anything. The brick that stubs your toe and cuts your shin when you trip over it. 

Or

You can be the brick who helps build houses, mansions, buildings. The brick who makes things taller and higher when placed underneath. The brick who will provide things you couldn't alone. 

words

the ugliest sounding words ever:

• crisp
• groggy
• ooze
• phlegm
• pus
• mcgriddle
• juicy
• loogy
• rural
• flubber
• mold
• blog
• blurb
• slab
• crunchy
• smegma
• pickle
• smelly
• cringe
• piggy
• basically anything with a double g (except for Biggie cause it's biggie)
• giggle
• chunk
• curdle curdle
• creature

the best sounding words ever:

• cube
• point
• bleed
• pomegranate 
• kitchen
• click
• bizarre
• ivory
• lemon
• slip
• gauge
• plasma
• benz
• rain
• blaze
• chrome
• clutch
• tax
• ice
• quarter
• precisely 

i still feel

sometimes society wants us to act like robots. nothing but repetition. repetition. repetition. perfection. no mistakes. for all of us to be the same. to fit in the same mold. 

there is a standard that comes with living in this world. a pressure that one can't get rid of. we have to be doing good in school, all on the same page. you have to be quicker than that. you have to look like this. no you can't be sad right now. you're not allowed to feel like that. 

but i still feel. 

• anger
• frustration
• curiosity
• panic
• amusement
• disgust
• gratitude
• grief
• relief
• disappointment
• self confidence
• interest
• embarrassment
• shame
• greed
• empathy
• excitement
• love
• hope

hey james todd smith

my path was marked by the stars of the southern hemisphere

"this is the story of how i began to remember..."
-paul simon.

music is my earliest memory of childhood. will smith, prince, paul simon, jackson 5, and cotton eye joe.

music is such a big part in my life and i can see how it has followed me from my youth.  

the music of my childhood set me free and let me feel like the luckiest happiest worry free girl in the world (not that i even knew what worries were),but as i have grown, that has changed.

i am not as free as id like to be. as i have grown up, i have noticed i have hidden the music i grew up with because...

here come the judgements.
the gossip.
the comments.
the whispers.
the making fun of.

none of this was a worry as a kid, i was just carefree and happy.


jackson 5- "he rocks in the tree tops all day long, hoppin and a boppin and singing his song. all the little birdies on jaybird street love to hear the robin go tweet tweet tweet"

as a child all i would do is dance around. you sneak into your moms room, steal a pair of her high heels, and watch yourself groove in the mirror.

you dance.
you laugh.
you wipe your boogers on the couch.
you play with everyone.
everyones cool.

cause who cares??

will smith- "i wanna stay with you forever. i wanna spend all my life with only you. i wanna stay, lets stay together. chasing forever, with only you."

what the heck is love? never as a child do you listen to the lyrics. there was no such thing as love. 

just crushes. 

and kisses on the cheek. pecks with boys in your 2nd grade class and getting in trouble from your teacher who saw you do it.(ya that was me) no heartbreaks. 

just crushes.


prince- "whats the matter with your life, is the poverty bringing you down? is the mailman jerking you around? did he put your million dollar check in someone else's box?"

money? didn't exist. when it did, you were saving up money for tamagotchis and nintendo DS games. slap bracelets, slinkys, and gameboys.

not for gas.
not for clothes.
not for phones.
concerts.
movies.
food. your mom made your food. 

and the mailman was only good for birthday cards your grandparents sent to you on your birthday. 

cotton eye joe- "where did you come from? where did you go? where did you come from cotton eye joe?..."

don't really know how this one correlates but this was the best song ever to dance too lol.

but thats the joy of remembering being a kid. its all about just being whatever. not having to have reasons and correct answers. nothing had to make sense. 

so why has all this changed now?

you can call me dres

well.

                i don't even know where to begin.

my pen name? ya don't even know where that came from.

it's a city in germany, maybe i'll name my kid that.

so nelson told us to introduce ourselves.. so here goes i guess.

i'm the biggest hypocrite you will ever encounter in your life

i'm allowed to be as loud as i want whenever i want but if i want you quiet, be quiet.

i'm part love part loss

part music part 2am cemetery walks

i've busted and blown out 17 pairs of headphones and ya i kept them all for who knows why. (thanks for asking)

my family is for another blog post

been in love before and have had my heart broken before. 
different people.

you can call me dres.