I remember you

I remember your hugs and kisses. They made me so happy. They were so innocent.

I remember you coming into my room and wanting to dance with me. You'd tell me to turn on my rap music and justin beiber so we could jam and I remember your dancing was actually pretty good for how little you were haha

I remember on Saturday mornings you would come run in my room to wake me up and I would get so mad at you but now I'd give anything to have you come wake me up again. 

I remember your laugh. It was the cutest thing in the world. I can't remember what it sounds like very clearly anymore and that kills me...

I remember the time you shattered my favorite perfume bottle all over the floor. I was so mad at you for that. And the time you took all my makeup and put it all over your face and mom sat and took pictures of you all afternoon.

I remember when grandma told me when you grew up, you told her you wanted to be just like me. 

I remember your bratty faces. They were so sassy and you got so mad when I laughed at you but they were so cute. I remember the way you would say "nu-uh!!" And how your bottom lip and chin would stick out. And your screams. And stomping around. 

I remember coming home to puzzles and crayons and pictures covering the floor. I remember the pictures you drew for me. 

I remember the day you left this earth that Saturday. It was so out of the blue. I was listening to "Good Day" by Nappy Roots singing along "and aint nobody gonna cry today, cause aint nobody gonna die today" until I heard the scream from downstairs and those lyrics will forever be hated. 

The flowers filled the porch in the worst way. The food from neighbors. Texts from unknown people. Confusion. Pink everything. White everything... Hugs. Lots of hugs. Losing 10 pounds in 5 days. Being mad. Very very mad. 

It felt like a dream that I couldn't get out of. It seemed like the world wasn't even happening. Just motions and more motions. 

I remember you being the sunshine in my life every single day. I miss that. I miss that more than anything in the entire world. 

Bricks are people

Bricks are people.

You can be the brick who crushes, kills, destroys. The brick who sits there and is no good for anything. The brick that stubs your toe and cuts your shin when you trip over it. 

Or

You can be the brick who helps build houses, mansions, buildings. The brick who makes things taller and higher when placed underneath. The brick who will provide things you couldn't alone. 

words

the ugliest sounding words ever:

• crisp
• groggy
• ooze
• phlegm
• pus
• mcgriddle
• juicy
• loogy
• rural
• flubber
• mold
• blog
• blurb
• slab
• crunchy
• smegma
• pickle
• smelly
• cringe
• piggy
• basically anything with a double g (except for Biggie cause it's biggie)
• giggle
• chunk
• curdle curdle
• creature

the best sounding words ever:

• cube
• point
• bleed
• pomegranate 
• kitchen
• click
• bizarre
• ivory
• lemon
• slip
• gauge
• plasma
• benz
• rain
• blaze
• chrome
• clutch
• tax
• ice
• quarter
• precisely 

i still feel

sometimes society wants us to act like robots. nothing but repetition. repetition. repetition. perfection. no mistakes. for all of us to be the same. to fit in the same mold. 

there is a standard that comes with living in this world. a pressure that one can't get rid of. we have to be doing good in school, all on the same page. you have to be quicker than that. you have to look like this. no you can't be sad right now. you're not allowed to feel like that. 

but i still feel. 

• anger
• frustration
• curiosity
• panic
• amusement
• disgust
• gratitude
• grief
• relief
• disappointment
• self confidence
• interest
• embarrassment
• shame
• greed
• empathy
• excitement
• love
• hope